Jim Henson said,
"The most sophisticated people I've ever known had just one thing in common: they were all in touch with their inner children."
Welcome to The Soul Podcast. I’m Stacey Wheeler
Henson knew what it meant to be in touch with your inner child. He was the creator of The Muppets. From his inner child came the iconic characters Kermit, Miss Piggy, Bert and Ernie and Big Bird. These characters are an enduring reminder of the ways Jim Henson was in touch with his inner child.
Have you ever made a reference to your inner child? Maybe you said something like, “I’m channeling my inner child,” after doing something you believe a proper adult shouldn’t do… like jump into the pool with your cloths on or play on a swing at the park.
I’ve said things like this, many times… talking about letting my inner child out to play. And often it was a means of acknowledging to others that I knew I was being silly, or weird... or some other thing I was projecting they believed about me in that moment. Really, it was my way of making an excuse for being playful.
When my daughters were young, we lived in Southern California. We often went to Disneyland. My little girls would put on their Minnie Mouse dresses, and I’d put on comfortable shoes. Before long we’d be literally skipping hand-in-hand thorough the park, one little girl on either side of me. Just skipping and laughing. To them, this was a normal part of being a child. For me it was especially joyous.
You see, in these moments I had permission to let my inner child play. I was with two little girls at Disneyland. I didn’t need to explain to anyone why I -a grown man- was skipping. I was at Disneyland, where you’re given permission to let your inner child play. Those memories still make me smile.
Years later I experienced this same sensation of freedom in the desert, at a place known as Black Rock City. To some, it’s better known as Burning Man. Once again, I found myself in a place where I felt permission to let my inner child play. This time, as a middle-aged man. And I did it without care or fear of anyone’s judgement -and without children as an excuse.
It took some work to get to that point of comfort -to get back to that place where my inner child could come out to play. When I did the work I was able to reclaim my playful side, which had been obscured over many years.
We’ve all got a suppressed inner child. Some more than others. Getting back to that part of ourselves can be incredibly healing. It can open sensations in us. Sensations of wonder… which we haven’t felt since we were young.
We are the sum of everything we've ever been. All the aspects of us -from birth on- are blended together into one energetic being called You. As we grow much of our playful self is lost. With attention, we can gain our playful side back, and integrate it into our adult lives. The result is more joy in your life.
For most (if not all) of us, ‘playful’ is our preset. It’s who we are. But -as we grew older- we were conditioned and programmed, and we forgot we’re meant to play.
Theodor Geisel (also known as Dr. Seuss) said,
“Adults are obsolete children. The hell with them.”
Let’s look at the meaning of “obsolete”… it means “no longer used or useful; out of date.”
What he was saying is that as we become adults our children are no longer used. They are neglected. Treated as obsolete. He’s saying that as adults, we neglect our inner child. By adding ‘The hell with them” he’s saying to reject the adult part that neglects their child like side and embrace our child side.
As Dr, Seuss, Geisel wrote,
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than You.”
And also said,
“Why fit in, when you were born to stand out.”
In these quotes he’s talking about pushing back on the idea of conformity and understanding that we are all unique. Maybe we’re playful. Maybe we’re weird. Maybe we’re introspective and because of this we’re quiet. However, we are all unique. We are all one of a kind. No one else is ‘youer’ than you. Only you can be who is “you.” It’s true.
….
And remember Jim Henson said, the most sophisticated people he ever knew were all in touch with their inner child.
When I try to think of the most playful adults I can think of, Charlie Chaplin usually comes to mind. There is something endearing about a grown man who’s not afraid to play. He’s been gone for half a century and his playful character is still iconic, even to people who were born long after he died. But consider for a moment the most playful adults in your life. Now, recognize the joy they find in that playful spirit. But how do we get it back when we lose it…?
From the day we’re born, we all go through a subtle conformity process. As we grow. There are many ways we’re conditioned.
One of the saddest conformities expected of us is the expectation to make our child-self conform to an adult world. As children, we’re told to act like big kids. We’re told, “When you’re a big kid you can…” (fill in the blank) So, we all start to act like we’re told we’re told big kids act, in order to get the reward that comes to big kids.
After a while, we find ourselves with a bunch of other well-conditioned kids, doing our best version of what a big kid looks like. And eventually we’re all adults… doing our best version of playing adult…. All the while having a gnawing feeling that something is missing. Maybe that missing thing is the connection with our inner child.
For many years I used the “inner child” excuse, when my playful side slipped out as I went from a boy to a man. As we grow older (and this is especially true for men) it became less acceptable to be playful. We believe it’s a societal expectation. This is a story we tell ourselves. As time went on and the years passed, I locked by little buddy down. I felt it was expected that I should be more serious and (dare I say) “adult.” The sad truth is we believe we supposed to suppress our playful side. And it’s true we’re conditioned to make our inner child obsolete -as Geisel put it.
All the while, somewhere below the surface, silently rests our inner child. And that little bugger just wants to play. And so often, when we feel our playfulness bubble up, many of us hear our inner voice warning us: “stop being silly”… “people will think you’re weird.”
This is our moment of opportunity. It’s a chance to flip the script. When we start to learn to push back against our programing, we can start to re-learn how to connect with that playful part of ourselves we’ve neglected for years.
And it can be helpful to have a context to let our inner child out. We all know a guy (or several) who gets playful after a few drinks. We see that inner child emerge. And we all know the kind of guy who lets his playful side out when there’s a small child around. These are a catalyst - an excuse to let the child out. For most, this is a subconscious response. They don’t realize what’s really happening. They don’t understand their inner child has forced itself to the surface because it’s been on a time out for too long. These moments offer a glimpse into what is possible. Yes, you can be playful and let your child out. And you don’t need an excuse. Just an opportunity. Sadly, most men don’t feel permission to let their inner child raise to the surface.
Do you feel a resistance to that idea? Maybe you have a judgement about what that would be like… a thought of what people would think of you if your inner child was more a part of your personality?
Remember, as you let that little one out, your old conditioning will try to change your direction… tell you to keep your little buddy on lock down. There are intentional ways you can build the habit of releasing your inner child. Of making it an active part of your personality. If you’re ready, hang around until the end of the episode and I’ll share one. Even if you don’t go all-in, there’s a nice way to inch towards it. To start with, look for little opportunities.
Maybe the opportunity will be skipping at Disneyland. Maybe being alone in nature somewhere. Throwing a ball for your dog in the back yard. Let your inner child come closer to the surface in these moments. Those moments reminded us of what’s possible. You can built on them and expand your inner child’s presence in your life.
It took me many years to get back to my little buddy. I looked for moments, where I could allow my inner child to play. You can do the same. Look for moments. Maybe it will be something simple like riding a cart full of groceries to your car, in the grocery store parking lot, pushing yourself with one foot as the other rests on the lower bar of the cart. Or sliding down a slide in the park. Whatever makes you feel silly -possibly even self-conscious… that’s where the reconnection to the inner child begins. That’s where we start to tear down the thin curtain separating us from our playful side. It’s not instant. It takes intention. And it takes maintenance. We have to be diligent to hold onto that connection we make with our inner child.
So, for years, I’ve leaned into my silly, playful side. In these moments, I didn’t regret acting playfully. At times I’ve been fearful of the judgement of others. Yet, I continued to be playful, just the same.
I know now that playful is my preset. As I age, I’m thankful for the gift of playfulness.
And, it turns out, being in touch with our inner child is important.
As we saw in the opening quote from Jim Henson, our inner child is a source of creativity.
Henson also said,
"Life is meant to be fun, and joyous, and fulfilling."
When we’re in touch with our inner child, we tap into this fun and joyous part of ourselves.
Great, creative people are often guided by the beautiful child within.
Henson, Geisel and Chaplin… they all had this in common. And it shows in their work. Their inner child helped their outer adult build a lasting legacy. Their inner child played a hand in creating beloved figures of playfulness.
And isn’t it interesting that all three of these men created optimistic characters?
Chaplin’s described the iconic character he created this way,
“A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure.”
And Henson said about his work,
"I've always tried to present a positive view of the world in my work. It's so much easier to be
negative and cynical and predict doom for the world than it is to try and figure out how to make
things better. We have an obligation to do the latter."
And remember, Geisel said, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”
Today it’s time to start getting back to you.
Big kids get responsibilities.
Little kids get joy. Start looking for your joyful side today.
Check out the show notes for a link to a virtual workshop by Daily Om… to re-connect with your inner child. It’s not free, but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised how little this virtual workshop costs.
Let me end with a thought from poet Athey Thompson…
And, when we grow up
We must never forget
That hidden down deep
Within us
Is our forever inner child
Resting, silently
Forever waiting
Forever hoping
That one day
We shall, remember it
No more excuses. It’s time to get back to your silly, young self!