Wayne Dyer said,
"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change."
Welcome to The Soul Podcast. I’m Stacey Wheeler.
Have you ever sat and watched people walk by and noticed your thoughts? This is good to do in a public place like a coffee shop. This is a useful exercise, if you can be honest with yourself- and not deny your thoughts. When you can be honest with yourself, this exercise can be quite uncomfortable. Because you’ll start to notice that you have biases and judgements, which you might not have realized were there. When you can own your thoughts as they arise, you quickly recognize your unacknowledged biases.
In the last episode I spoke about watching an old man walk and how I used to have a negative way I regarded older people. And though it was there, I never really thought about it. It was just a lingering thing in the back of my reality. I didn’t feel it ever made its way to the surface in any way that would acknowledge it to the world. I don’t think it changed the way I treated the elderly… but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it did in subtle ways.
I became aware of my judgements through awareness of my thoughts. And awareness of my thoughts came from listening to them -and acknowledging what they were saying.
((Not noticing our thoughts allows you to ignore your biases and let them continue to control your way of being -and possibly your way of relating to others))
Recognizing our biases and judgements is an excellent tool for spiritual growth. Many (if not most) of our biases are hidden from us in plain sight. They are so reflexive that we don’t notice them without actively looking for them. This is how we all are. Throughout our lives we create a way of being. Our way of being is built from trillions of little data bits which we’ve experienced throughout our lives. We assemble these to make sense of our world and use this data to navigate our existence. Our life experiences become our operating system for daily life.
Like a computer operating system, this program runs automatically as soon as we power up each day. We don’t have to think about it. We don’t have to do anything to change it. We just let it run and it usually gets us the results we need to get the job done.
But if we’re aware, we can notice glitches in the system. When we do, we can upgrade our software.
In the last episode I talked about an older man I saw whose skin was weathered and who walked with a pain in his step. I spoke about how I remembered an old bias I had overcome. An age bias. Before I could change this bias, I first had to notice it was there. When I was able to change it, that was not the end of my personal evolution around this glitch. It was just the beginning.
I recognized that the reason he walks that way is because he is moving through life with a level of pain that is constant. That’s the reason nearly every person walks differently. How did that not occur to me as a young man? Or maybe it did. Maybe it was only a concept, not a reality. We see the world through our personal reality. Through that operating system. When our bodies are young and healthy it’s easy to see age and pain as an oddity. It’s too far from our reality to fully comprehend. And anyway, most of us are too self-absorbed when we’re young to ponder things like aging. So, I moved from recognizing the bias to dropping the bias. Then I moved into empathy for his journey. Ultimately, I moved to identify with his journey.
The journey to a new way of thinking isn’t a single step, but a long, beautiful journey.
Imagine you’ve decided to drive from California to Florida. To get there you must do it one stop at a time. Each time you stop, you’re further from where you were and closer to where you’re going. And your view of the world has changed a little at every stop. By the time you arrive in Florida you are not the same person who left California. You’ve evolved a little along the way.
This example is a tiny piece of our entire human journey. Our lives are made up from countless moments of evolution.
1. Understand and own (the bias)
2. Agree to drop it
3. Evolve (to the next level)
MORE…
Okay, so where you going with this, Stacey…?
I’m not trying to tell you to respect the journey of the elderly today. Yeah, do that if you can. But I’m using this example to illustrate our ability to change our way of looking at anything we’re caught up on.
This story is about testing our judgements so we can update our software. Before we can do this, we must recognize our biases and judgements.
This is done through a process that involves a few tools. These include…
· Empathy
· Self-reflection
· The ability to be honest with ourselves.
With empathy we can better see outside of our operating system. We’re more aware of the bigger picture of those around us. We’re less self-absorbed.
With self-reflection, we’re able to ask ourselves challenging questions. Like why we project a belief on someone we see.
Finally -This leads us to the opportunity to be honest with ourselves. When we can answer our self-reflections honestly, we are left with an opportunity to grow. An opportunity to update our operating systems.
Self-reflection and self-honesty are the keys to this work. Empathy takes the work to another level. Much more effective! But you must first be able to be self-reflective and honest with yourself.
Later you can put the work in turbo mode when you’ve done ego work. It’s powerful when you understand how your ego is at work in your judgements and defenses.
Watch for more about ego work. I’m working on a series about this and how to put it to work, or improve the work your already doing.
But you don’t need ego work to start your software updates.
Roy T. Bennett said, "If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down."
The first step to change is noticing what those things are. They are revealed in our judgement. So, watch your judgement. When you feel yourself thinking a less than kind thought about someone or something, pause and ask yourself about it.
· Where did that attitude of mind come from?
· Does it serve you?
· Can you let it go?
“If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
Let go of it. Then practice noticing if it creeps back in. Keep dropping it until you learn to reflexively brush it aside when it comes up. It may take practice. It’s not as direct as a software update. You’re slowly reprogramming your brain. You’re physically creating new neural pathways when you change a behavior or attitude.
The longer you practice, the better you get at it. As time goes on you can make software updates more quickly.
As you make these changes you will change your life in significant ways.
As Leo Tolstoy said, "True life is lived when tiny changes occur."
Start making tiny changes today and your life will be lived more fully. With more kindness and empathy.
As you drop your judgements and biases you will increase your joy and you will start to feel more connected to other people. Judgments and biases can be a debilitating glitch. But you don’t have to accept them. You can correct them.