Hey, this is Stacy from the Soul Podcast.
Today I've got a really meaty topic for you.
This is a good one. Insecurity. We all have insecurity.
If you think you don't, think again. You probably do.
Only a very, very small portion of the population don't.
We all have it and that's a good thing.
It's a good thing that we do because it helps us in a lot of different ways.
For instance, if you are in a social environment and people are talking,
it helps you pick up on cues about people.
Am I saying something that might be offensive?
Are they trying to tell me something about myself?
It's a very subtle thing.
That's what insecurity is. What the basis of them is.
Now, you can't get into deeper insecurities; things that work against
your ability to be fully functional.
And when we think of insecurities, we think of bigger things.
Maybe judgments we have about our appearance. That's an insecurity.
The way people see us in terms of whether they like us or don't like us.
The need to be accepted is very much a human trait.
So insecurity can grow around those things.
And then there can be much, much bigger, really debilitating insecurities
that can keep some people housebound.
But what we're talking about today are the insecurities that we can lean into
and find value in.
As it turns out, insecurities are this beautiful, valuable source
for personal and spiritual growth -if you're aware of them and you're willing to accept that you have them.
I love to find my insecurities because my discomforts are where all my growth happens.
There's been no personal growth that didn't come from discomfort.
When you encounter your insecurities, you'll find that there's only three things
you can do with them.
If you have an insecurity, you will either;
One- stuff it, meaning you hide it,
ignore it, or act like it's not there.
Two- fake it. If you have an insecurity about something about yourself and you act like
it's not an insecurity, you're trying to hide the fact that it's an insecurity.
It doesn't change the fact that it's still there.
And neither of these two reactions resolves the insecurity issue.
It only helps you hide from it or fake it or really -ultimately- denie it.
The third thing you can do is lean into it.
And when you lean into it, it's like there's this wall that is insecurity. And you're going towards it.
And most of the time, you can push it right over. Because it's not really there.
It's a wall that's in here. In your head.
It's a wall that you constructed.
Your insecurity is internal and not external.
So when you go after it, you can knock it down.
I'll give you an example of what I mean.
When I was a young boy, I grew up fairly poor, about half my childhood.
My family was on welfare, or some other type of public assistance.
I had a lot of insecurity and shame about that.
And I had a brother who was severely autistic.
That made it hard for my mother to work.
And I had some insecurity about that, too.
Because there was some judgment from people about 'what's wrong with your brother'?
That kind of thing.
Years went by and I just stuffed that.
And in fact, it changed the way I behaved because when I had money,
I was incredibly generous with my money.
I didn't want anyone to think I was poor.
So, that was me faking it.
I was stuffing a little bit of it. And I was stuffing it by not talking about it.
I was acting like it's not there.
And I was faking it by being overly generous with my money so that no one would think I was
poor.
Of course, I wasn't.
I grew up without money.
That didn't mean that I personally was poor by the time I was an adult. But by anxiety around money affected the way I behaved as an adult.
Now, by the time I got to college, I was in a fraternity.
Go Delta Tau Delta, Chapman University.
But the reason I bring that up is because after we chartered, we had a weekend away thing.
And we all went away and we did a camp out.
And one of the exercises we did was to share something deeply personal.
This is a bonding thing we did as brothers to better understand each other and just show
some vulnerability.
And I dug deep and I picked something that was very uncomfortable for me.
And that was the fact that I'd grown up poor.
Now I was at a school that had kids whose parents were fairly well to do for the most part
and almost all my fraternity brothers were upper middle class or higher.
So to stand there around this fire and say, "Yeah, you know, this is a deep insecurity
for me. I grew up poor"...
It was really uncomfortable to do.
And it didn't mean a damn thing to them.
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter.
None of them cared.
It's not that they didn't care that it was a problem for me.
It's just that that's not who I am to them.
I'm just this man, this man in front of them.
It was beautiful.
And at that moment that I've leaned into that, having never spoken that for decades
of my life, the wall fell over.
The wall fell over.
And here I am.
I'm not a poor kid.
But if I hadn't stood up and said it out loud, it would have always been there.
It was uncomfortable to do, but I'm glad I did it.
And it was a really important lesson in leaning into insecurities.
So today I want to do this thing.
I want to do a little exercise with you.
I want you to think of some insecurities, okay?
Grab a pen, paper, write down three insecurities, three things that you're uncomfortable with.
You can be anything.
It all can be the way you look, the way you sound, anything.
Pick anything at all.
Growing up poor, right?
The judgment of others.
Like I mentioned, I had not just a brother that I had the sphere of judgment about.
Pick anything.
Then of those three, pick one of them.
The one you feel is the lowest hanging fruit.
The one that's most approachable.
And find a way to lean into it.
Find a way to challenge it.
Find a way to say it out loud.
Say it out loud to someone, tell someone about it.
If it's an insecurity, just like something about your personal appearance.
Say, you know, I never really liked this about me, but you know what?
It's part of me.
And I'm okay with it.
I'm a good person.
That's all that matters.
What's in here, who I am, who I know I am, I'm not this part of me.
As an alternate to this, I'll also make this recommendation.
If you have a spiritual growth partner, a close friend, a trusted ally, talk to that person, have them come over or set up a time to hang out together one on one.
If you have more than one that's even better, but you can take turns sharing your insecurities
out loud with somebody who's a trusted friend.
Don't knock those walls over and it'll free you in ways you can't possibly imagine.
This is a powerful exercise.
Push that wall and watch it fall over.
I want to end with a quote from Epic Titus.
Epictetus said this.
“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, did not make excuses about
what is said of you, but answer, he was ignorant of my other faults, else he, would
not have mentioned that one alone.”
Embrace your imperfections. None of us are perfect, and we're all insecure.
And you know what?
It's all right.