Don't Believe Your Triggers

Anita Moorjani  said,

“Everything that seemingly happens externally is occurring in order to trigger something within us, to expand us and take us back to who we truly are.”

Welcome to The Soul Podcast. I’m Stacey Wheeler.

This episode is about emotional triggers. We’ve all heard people talk out them. Maybe you’re even aware of your triggers. You know that certain things set you off or impact your mood in some way. Awareness of triggers is important. Recognizing your triggers can be tremendously useful in freeing ourselves from them. But for many of us, our triggers become a place to hide, rather than a way to grow. 

More and more I hear people say things like “She triggered me.” And it’s revealing. This person isn’t using awareness of triggers to free themself. Instead, they’re using it as an excuse why their emotions aren’t their responsibility. 

Did that sentence trigger you? 

If it did, take a few breaths and reset. Hang out awhile. You’re gonna get some good take-aways from this episode. 

Or maybe you’re someone who doesn’t think you have triggers. Maybe your story is that people are just mean or stupid and they get under your skin sometimes. Guess what… more likely than not… that’s just your triggers. People can be annoying or mean. Sometimes a person may irritate us. But if that irritation continues after the person is no longer there, the irritation is about you -not them. You have chosen to hold onto the irritation. You’ve embraced it instead of releasing it. Your trigger has decided to take control of your emotional response. And now, a little internal voice is saying all sorts of disturbing things to you. It’s trying to convince you the other person is the problem. 

The good news is, these responses are a signal of an opportunity for personal growth. An opportunity to remove triggers. And an opportunity to be happier each day.

So, let’s start looking at what triggers are. 

Emotional triggers are anything that sets off an emotional reaction within an individual. These reactions can range in intensity. Maybe it’s massive and explosive. Or maybe it’s small yet lingers a long time. Both of these reactions impact your ability to be happy and resent. 

Triggers can be events, situations, or things people say. We can even be triggered by smells. When a smell brings up a powerful memory, it can bring with it the emotion of that memory.  

But not all triggers are negative.

Emotional triggers can be positive. As an example, sunsets and sunrises are a positive emotional trigger for most of us. And when we have a positive emotional trigger come up, it’s an opportunity to embrace it, if we learn to be consciously aware of it in the moment. Pausing to appreciate a sunrise can increase our peace of mind and joy, in the same way embracing a negative emotion can increase our unhappiness. 

The intensity of the emotional response to a trigger will vary depending on how intense the original experience was that created the trigger. 

Imagine you’re alive in caveman days. You’re out with your tribe and a saber tooth tiger pounces on one of your kids and eats it, right there in front of you. From that moment on you’ll be triggered easily by anything that looked like or sounded like a Saber Tooth Tiger. You’d be reminded of the intense emotion of the incident by very small things. Maybe a child laughing or screaming would bring the trigger back. Things that should be insignificant might trigger very intense emotions in you. 

But is a laughing child to blame for that intense memory that resides in you? Is anyone else responsible for healing the pain in you? Or is it your responsibility to understand it’s your work to do? Triggers are a symptom of ways we can heal.

Emotional triggers can be used to recognize a opportunity to change your reaction to unprocessed trauma… even very minor traumas… things you might not even think of as trauma. And when we’re able to identify and defuse our triggers, we become better and better at managing our emotions and reactions. We learn to recognize that we’re not being triggered… we’re allowing our triggers to influence our mood. And that only we are responsible for our triggers. No one else! When we do this our triggers stop being a place to blame others for our emotions. It becomes a place where we take back power, as we take responsibility for our own emotions.

Okay, pausing a moment… If this episode is pissing you off a bit. It’s because a part of you is looking for a reason to avoid taking responsibility for your emotions. If you hear yourself arguing that it’s not your responsibility that other people anger you or hurt your feelings… suck it up, buttercup. This is an opportunity to take away their power. To take the power back. You see, I’ve got a secret for you.

When you take responsibility for your emotions, you get a LOT happier. That’s because when you own the responsible for your emotions, people need your permission to hurt you. 

You see, sometimes we can fall into the habit of believing our emotions are the truth. We start to believe that our triggers are the truth. 

Triggers are not truth.

Imagine a situation where you’ve felt triggered in the past. Any memory will do. In that moment you may have believed whatever your mind tells you happened. And you might start to get a little victim-ey. You start to feel your reaction is justified because of the story you’re telling yourself.

Now listen….

No matter how compelling the story you hold around what happened… about what they did or what they said, or what they didn’t do, that allowed you to start embracing the trigger… it’s not the truth.

When we’re triggered, our capacity to see truth is limited.

And the more intense the trigger, the less clarity we have.

So must learn to retrain our mind to recognize what’s happening in these moments. 

Don't believe your thoughts.

Don't believe your feelings.

Remember that a trigger is a protection from a memory of a threat. The Saber Tooth Tiger is not in the room… it is only in your mind. 

Your fear is not truth. It is only an emotional trigger that has been tripped.

Whatever you think, feel or intuit about them in this moment isn't real.

The Basics:

1)      Learn to recognize the trigger “Ah, that’s just a trigger”

2)      Remind yourself “it’s only a trigger, not the truth”

3)      Remember that you have the power to release the reaction “Does any good come from feeling this way?”

4)      Release…  Take a few breaths and let it go “Go away. I’m in charge.”

5)      Now laugh about it. 

Laughing about it punctuates the fact that you took the power away from your trigger. You’re the master of the trigger. You’ve made it follow your orders. Then you laughed at how easy it was to control. 

Okay, not ready to start with the big triggers? Start small. When something gets under your skin, recognize it’s a trigger. And do the same 5 steps. Maybe you get annoyed easily in traffic…  No judgement. I’ve been there. Someone does something that seems rude or thoughtless on the road and you find yourself in a rabbit hole of thoughts. Maye even muttering nasty thoughts about the so-and-so. 

This is your moment. 

1.       Recognize,  “It’s just a trigger”

2.       Remind yourself, “The trigger isn’t the truth”

3.       Remember, you have the power to let go of the reaction “Does any good come from feeling this way?”

4.       Release, Take a few breaths and let it go “Go away. I’m in charge.”

5.       Laugh about it.  You owned that trigger and mastered it. 

Do this each time and you’ll get stronger and stronger as you become more reflexive about recognizing and reprogramming your reactions. When you work through minor triggers, you improve your ability to respond. Your confidence will grow, and you start going after your more powerful triggers. 

Okay one vital rule to remember, in order to make this new tool work for you…

Never ever make any kind of decision when triggered. 

Whatever you think you should do or a way you should react... don’t! Wait until you are better regulated. Remember, your trigger is a liar. 

A trigger can make you think silly thoughts. A trigger is not a sign to break up, or to send that angry text.

It’s not a signal to storm into their room and yell, or a sign that you should quit your job.

In these moments you may want to make bad decisions. But none of this is rational. None of it is you.

It's all defense and you are hurt right now.

Attend to the hurt. It’s time to return to your center. To stop and breathe, to bring calm to yourself.  It’s time to move from head. It may take some time for the storm to pass. Give yourself the time. The old reflex will try to drive you. Don’t let it. Thoughts may intrude to tell you why you’re right to be hurt. Don’t fall for the lie. Own that trigger and make it submit. Remember our triggers are a symptom of things we can work on, in order to become better and stronger. Triggers are a neon sign pointing us to places inside that need our attention. 

Vincent van Gogh said, “Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.” 

Our trigger put our little emotions (and not so little emotions) under a magnifying glass. But it’s our choice. We get to decide whether we believe the lies of the trigger. When we retrain ourselves to reject the lies, we start to live with more joy and less internal turmoil.