Lewis Carroll said, “You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret: All the best people are.” Welcome to The Soul Podcast. I’m Stacey Wheeler. 

This quote is like a cosmic wink; traveling a hundred years from it's original writing, telling us to embrace our one-of-a-kind selves. Today, we’re diving into something that’s been on my mind: the relationship you have with yourself. It’s not just one part of your life—it’s the whole universe of who you are. Your joy, your strength, your place in this world. It all starts here. But too often, we look for someone else—a lover, a friend—to make us feel complete. Here’s the truth: that’s a myth. The real special person is you. In this episode, we’ll explore why this relationship is everything, bust some lies we tell ourselves, and share a simple practice to help you see your own light. To embrace it. To build your joy from it. So, grab a notebook or just settle in, as I explain why you may be “bonkers” but you're the best person you'll ever know.

Every day we’re with ourselves, every moment—every quiet doubt, every wild dream, every step we take. This relationship with yourself isn’t just important; it’s the heart of your existence. When you’re at peace with who you are, you shine like a star in your own universe. When you’re not, it’s like a shadow dims your light, touching everything—your confidence, your connections, your life.

Psychological Perspective
I’ve had moments where I’ve quietly thought to myself “Stacey, you’re not enough.” Sometimes I've even stared in the mirror and thought harsh tings about myself. We all have these moments. It’s a heavy weight, and I know you’ve carried it too—a bad day, a mistake, and suddenly you’re your own worst enemy. Consider a time you were unkind to yourself. A time when you were harsh and judging. Did it lift you up? Of course not. Consider the effect it has when the most important person in our life thinks badly of us. You are 'the most important person' in your life.

Psychologically, your self-relationship is a cornerstone of your mental well-being. It’s a key lens that shapes how you experience reality. Your emotional stability is built on your self-concept—how you see your worth, your abilities, your identity—and your self-esteem, how you feel about that picture. A strong self-relationship makes you resilient, authentic, able to face life’s challenges with confidence. For example, if you see yourself as capable, you’re more likely to stay calm when things get tough.

Let’s pause for a truth check. Ask yourself: What’s one way I judge myself? Maybe it’s “I’m not lovable” or “I always screw up.” If you’ve got a pen, write it down. If not, just hold it in your heart...

It’s tough to face those thoughts, isn’t it? But here’s the real talk: those thoughts don’t just sit there. They shape how you show up. If you think you’re not enough, you might skip that big chance, lower your voice, or push people away. Your shoulders droop, your eyes avoid contact, like you’re hiding from the world. Psychologically, that inner story runs your emotions, your actions, even how others see you. When you think less of yourself, you shrink, you don't expand. 

But there’s a way through, and psychologist Carl Rogers said it well: 

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” 

That’s the spark. When you embrace all of you—the flaws, the fears—you start to grow. You stand taller, speak clearer, live bolder. It’s like polishing a clouded mirror: suddenly, your light shines through, and the world can’t help but see it..

Spiritual Perspective
Now, let’s go deeper, to the soul. Your self-relationship isn’t just about your mind—it’s about your essence, that “bonkers” spark Carroll celebrated. It’s the unique thread you weave into the universe’s tapestry. Whether you find it in prayer, a starry night, or a quiet breath, loving yourself connects you to something vast—your soul, the divine, or the miracle of being alive. It’s like seeing yourself from space, a tiny, radiant part of a fragile, beautiful whole.

Picture a spark in your heart. Nurture it with love, and it becomes a flame, lighting your path and warming others. This isn’t about pride—it’s about saying, “I’m here, and I belong.” That love makes you kinder, braver, more connected to the world. Can you feel that spark? It’s yours, and it’s everything.

The Myth of “Completion” and How to Love Yourself
 We’re sold this lie—think love songs, movies—that a “special person” will complete us. And I've been there- hoping another person could alive my doubts and make me feel more complete. But let’s put that myth to rest: it’s nonsense.

Psychologically, when you carry those judgments we named, you lean on others to make you feel okay. If you think you’re not enough, you might chase someone’s approval, but when it fades, you’re right back to feeling small. It’s like pouring water into a cracked cup—it never holds. Spiritually, it pulls you away from your own spark, your own place in the universe. You’re so busy looking for someone else’s light, you forget yours. We look for magic outside of ourselves because we don't see the magic we carry. We're special -like no one else. We're one of a kind. 

Carroll’s “bonkers” secret says it all: your uniqueness is your strength. Why trade that for a fairy tale? The truth is, you’re the only one who can make you whole. Love yourself, and the right people will find you.

Three Tools to Strengthen Your Self-Relationship
So, how do you start loving yourself? I’ve got three tools that have pulled me through dark days, and they’re easier than you think. They build on that judgment you wrote down, helping you rewrite your story.

Tool 1: Self-Compassion Break
First, a Self-Compassion Break. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m a failure,” stop. Put your hand on your heart—like you’re comforting a friend— and say, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Take three slow breaths, let the warmth sink in. It’s a minute, but it’s a game-changer. Psychologically, it tames that inner critic—research shows self-compassion lowers stress. Spiritually, it’s a reminder you’re worthy, just as you are. Try it next time you’re hard on yourself. It’s like a hug for your soul. 

Tool 2: Journaling to Rewrite Your Story
Second, Journaling to Rewrite Your Story. Spend 5 minutes a day writing: “What’s one thing I like about myself?” or “How can I see this judgment differently?” If you wrote “I’m not enough,” try, “I’m growing, and that’s enough.” If it’s about your looks, you might write, “I'm evolving into the best version of me.” or maybe, “This is all part of my life journey.” It’s not just words—it’s reshaping your truth. Psychologically, it clears out the negative fog. Spiritually, it’s a love note to your “bonkers” self. One sentence can shift your whole day...

Tool 3: Gratitude As A Practice (Gratitude Rock story)
Third, a Gratitude Mirror Practice. Look in a mirror and meet your own eyes. Say, “I’m grateful for you because…” and name something, like “you’re kind” or “you keep going.” Start with one thing, add more later. It’s weird at first, but it’s powerful. Psychologically, it boosts your confidence by focusing on your light. Spiritually, it’s like telling your soul, “I see you.” If a mirror’s not handy, just say it to yourself. Try it tonight and feel the difference...

Daily Practice: The Self-Love Ritual
These tools are like stars, but they need to shine together. So, let’s weave them into a 5-minute daily practice called the Self-Love Ritual. Here’s how it works: 

1. Self-Compassion Break: For 1-2 minutes, hand on heart, say, “I’m doing my best,” and breathe deep. 
2. Journal One Positive: Spend 2 minutes writing one thing you like about yourself or rewriting a judgment, like “I’m not perfect, but I’m enough.” 
3. Gratitude Mirror: For 1 minute, look in a mirror—or your phone camera—and say, “I’m grateful for you because…” and name a reason. End with a smile.

For best results, do these at the start your day -or the end your day. You can split it between the two. Maybe Journal at night before bed.

Find 5 minutes, morning or night. Grab a notebook, a mirror, or your phone. If 5 minutes feels big, start with 2. Psychologically, this rewires your mind—habits take a few weeks to grow. This is the physical side of things. Spiritually, it’s a vow to your soul that you’re enough. These rituals allow us to talk to our deepest self, below the physical level. We're all on a spiritual journey. But we forget. When we're empathetic with ourselves, we empower our spirit to greater growth. We free ourselves to expand. 

Try it for 7 days. You’ll feel lighter, stronger, like you’re finally home in yourself.

 
Here’s the heart of it: You don’t need anyone to complete you. You’re already whole, already a spark in the universe. Your relationship with yourself is where your life begins—your joy, your strength, your place in this fragile, beautiful world. Carl Rogers showed us that accepting ourselves is how we change. These tools, this ritual—they’re your way to make it real. Life can hit hard, but you choose how you shine. 

A.A. Milne wrote in Winnie the Pooh, 

“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” 

Let that land. You’re enough, right now. Start this Self-Love Ritual today. If you do this each day, you'll notice a difference in the way way you see yourself in less than a month.

Thanks for joining me on The Soul Podcast. Let me know how you feel after the first week. Let me know how it feels—comment, reach out, whatever works. Subscribe for more talks to lift your soul, and until next time, keep shining as your “bonkers,” beautiful self.