Dolly Parton once said, 

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

Welcome to The Soul Podcast. I’m Stacey Wheeler. 

This morning, I woke to the sound of rain lashing the roof above my bed. The weather had been turning worse all week, and overnight it arrived in force. I lay in bed listening the sound, thinking of my plan for the day. It’s Saturday and I usually write at a coffeeshop, walking distance from my house. On nicer days I’ll always walk. Sometimes, even when it’s raining. I grew up on the coast in the Pacific Northwest. I’ve learned to enjoy a walk in the rain. But I’ve never been interested in walking in a storm. The weather was bad. The bed was cozy. Outside it was cold and wet. So, what should I do? 

Two voices spoke to me. Each taking it’s turn. Once said, “Mmmm… this bed is like a womb. Stay here!” The other sounded like it was quoting a faceless poet. “Ascended souls aren’t made in warm beds.” The first voice was soft and reassuring -like a mother’s voice. The other was more like a father’s. It cooly stating a truth to consider. Neither voice was bad. Each left me with a decision. I lay in my warm, cozy bed with a choice to make. On the one arm, which was on top of the blankets, I could feel the cold. The room was not as cozy as the bed. Though not as cold as it was outside -the house was cool. 

I considered the faceless poet quote again. “Ascended souls aren’t made in warm beds.” Who said that, I wondered? Is that an actual quote? Did anyone say it, or did I make it up? I immediately recognized this as a reflexive delaying tactic. I was trying to stay in bed. But I had a choice to make.

You already know how this story ends. There I was, at the coffeeshop writing about it. “Ascended souls aren’t made in warm beds.” It turns out some part of me wrote that thought. But I’m not the first to think (or write) something similar. Not even close. The opening quote from Dolly Parton is one example.

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

 But many other great philosophers have also recognized a similar truth.

Nietzsche wrote, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." 

Most of us have heard this said before but did you know the great philosopher Nietzsche wrote it?

When I was about 15 a friend and I were erecting a driftwood shelter on the top of a remote sand dune. I lived along the pacific coast of Northern California and I spent a lot of time on the coastline as a kid. It was a playground to me and my friends. We were digging with full sized shovels to make a hole to stack driftwood around. As we worked on the windbreak, two boys I recognized from school -but only knew by reputation came towards us, up the massive dune. One of them, David was known to be a bully. When they got to us, he asked what we were doing. He asked this in a tone that I took as judgmental... and far too nosy for my liking. I said something like, “Don’t worry about it.” There was a short pause before I felt his fist impact the side of my face. I fell into the big hole in the sand we had dug. In that moment I felt confusion, rage, and embarrassment -all at once- swell in me. Who does that, I thought? Who punches another person for giving a bit of attitude? I got up and climbed out of the hole. And I grabbed a shovel. The look on David’s face made it clear he thought I intended to hit him with it. I turned with the shovel and walked away, down the dune. I didn't return to the dune again. 

For many years it bothered me that I hadn’t punched David; that I didn’t unleash all my anger on him. For years I played the scene back in my mind. I thought about it, maybe a thousand times. I envisioned running into him at school and punching him in the head. I was embarrassed and ashamed I didn’t try to hurt him that day, as he’d hurt me. But there was an intuition in my response that day. He was a fighter. I was not. Some wisdom told me to walk away. And I did. 

Eventually my anger around that day faded. It didn’t matter anymore. I realized that for years I had been focusing on the wrong part of the story. Hitting him back wasn’t what mattered that day. What was important is that after being knocked down, I got up. Looking back, I now see that in that moment I discovered who I was. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." At 15 I learned I could take a punch and walk away. I could be the better man. I understood I couldn’t fix violence with violence. I love the kid I was at 15. He was wiser than I knew at the time. 

Churchill said, "Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it." When we face adversity, we are able rise to levels we didn’t know we were capable of. Strong headwinds show us what we can do. We expand when we’re forced to stand up to discomfort and pain. Adversity challenges us and in adversity we find a gift. Standing up to the challenge helps us redefine ourselves. I learned at 15 a punch is not lethal. In standing up, my confidence grew. My fears shrunk. My resolve also grew. I projected a new confidence. Never again would I look like a person who would allow another to punch me and do nothing in response. I had a better sense of myself. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Have you ever felt that sensation -the one you get when you discover you’re stronger than you knew? When you rise after you fall? Sometimes we must look back to recognize the moment. Like I did -looking back at the punch on the beach, decades earlier.

Every challenge you face, no matter how small redefines you to yourself. It guides you to an expansion. Rejection, defeat and rainy days make us stronger. But not if we shrink in the face of them. To be clear… choosing to not face challenge doesn’t mean we contract. No, it only means we don’t grow in that moment. It’s like a pause on a ladder climb. We stay where we are. But when we choose to stand up against the challenge, it’s an opportunity to grow. To advance. To become stronger and better. So, how powerful you become -how resilient- is up to you. It’s all about the things you choose to defeat. 

Dolly Parton grew up in a large, poor family in the backwoods of Tennessee. She had an unusual singing voice and taught herself to play the guitar at a very young age. She went on to sing on a radio show as a kid and then made records. She got on TV shows, made blockbuster movies and launched a very successful theme park, Dollywood. She never had formal training in any of the things she did for a living. But she kept trying new things. When asked how she accomplished all she had, she said -

"I’m not going to limit myself just because people won’t accept the fact that I can do something else."

She also said-

"You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." 

Each of us get to decide what we limit ourselves to. But we must be brave enough to try. And you don’t need to get a punch to the face to grow and expand. The small things matter as much as anything. Chuck Yeager threw up the first time he flew in a plane. Getting sick is a little thing. If he’d let that incident convince him flying wasn’t for him, he would have never gone on to become a pilot, he would have never become a World War two fighter Ace and would not have gone on to be the first person to fly faster than the speed of sound. It all started with not letting air sickness define him as a person who couldn't fly. 

Little things are not little things. The little things we push through become prologue to our destiny, like they did for Chuck Yeager. 

Getting out of a warm and cozy bed isn’t the great challenge most of us will face today. But someone listening to this will struggle with the decision to not stay in bed. And this decision doesn’t seem simple to that person. We will all have that day at some point, when life feels too heavy to fight gravity… to lift ourselves to a sitting position.. and then to stand. Many things effect the state of mind we make our choices from. When life surprises you with a hard hit, it’s your choice if you will stand up again. Sometimes the better decision is to stay down. At least until we’re strong enough to stand. And sometimes it takes a mental shift to get to what’s important.

There will be days we stay in bed. Days when we wait until we feel strong enough. But we must rise when we don’t think we can. This is where our strength is built… but pushing against the gravity of our lives. In Hamlet, William Shakespeare wrote about how it is we make the choice. We must decide, "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them."

“In the mind” he wrote. In the mind. That is where our ability to rise happens. In our mind we decide if it’s better to stay beaten down… to “suffer the slings and arrows” of our unfortunate life, or to end our “sea of trouble” by opposing them. Strength begins with choice. Strength starts in your mind. 

Want the rainbow? You’ve got to put up with the rain. It’s your choice… is it time to test your strength? 

Nietzsche, Churchill, Emerson … and Dolly Parton. Dolly, if you’re listening, please note that I include you among the great thinkers.

Perspective matters. How’s yours today? Are you ready to get out of bed and face the rain?