Carl Jung said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Welcome to The Soul Podcast. I’m Stacey Wheeler.

Today, we’re exploring “The Deep Need for Authenticity”—that built-in human drive to live as our true selves, and the extraordinary inner calm, joy, and freedom that bloom when we do. This episode and my last one on Integrity are related in some ways, but make no mistake -the two are not the same. You will see different benefits from work you do around both of these. What benefit do we gain from Authenticity?

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine waking each morning with a steady, unshakable inner calm that doesn’t rely on perfect circumstances. Feeling truly at home in your own skin, with energy flowing freely, decisions coming from clear inner knowing, and joy arising spontaneously from the simple fact of being alive as you. Relationships feel deep and effortless because people connect with the real you. Challenges still come, but you meet them from a rooted, resilient place.

That’s not a fantasy. That’s the natural state waiting for you when you live authentically.

Authenticity unlocks profound gifts: a grounded serenity that replaces inner turmoil, genuine vitality where exhaustion once lived, quiet confidence born of self-trust, richer and more intimate connections, and a resilience that feels like true freedom—no longer tethered to others’ approval.

Research in psychology consistently supports this. Studies on self-congruence and self-determination theory show that living authentically correlates with significantly lower levels of anxiety and depression, higher overall well-being, reduced stress, and greater life satisfaction. It’s not an optional extra; it’s fundamental to how we thrive.

We all carry this deep internal need to be fully ourselves. Yet, from our earliest days, we learn to adapt. I've talked about this a lot because it's a fundamental part of all our journeys. When we are born, we are small and vulnerable. We adapt to get the things we instinctively desire... safety and comfort being high on the list. As we grow, new adaptations build on our old adaptations -drawing us further from our authentic self. We do this for many reasons: To earn love, gain safety, feel a sense of belonging, we recognize which parts of us get celebrated and which ones to hide. 

Our early years alter us greatly -as we try to find where we 'fit in' in our social groups. We exhibit the parts people seem to enjoy and dim our parts which aren't well-received. In doing this, we dim our intensity, tone down our dreams, and we amplify traits to please others. These adaptations aren’t bad—they helped us survive and connect—but over decades, the layers can pile up until we lose touch with our core essence.

This is how it happens. We move away from our authentic self subtly. And as the years pass, we find we no longer feel okay with the version of ourselves we've been living. Often times we don't understand the core of the issue is our need for authenticity. 

Reclaiming authenticity is about gently peeling back those layers, remembering and honoring what was always there. It’s not about becoming someone new; it’s about allowing the real you to breathe again. And yes, this journey can feel challenging. It’s often the task of a lifetime. Old patterns feel safe and familiar. Expressing your truth might risk judgment, conflict, or change in relationships. Vulnerability is required. And so is bravery. Consider someone you know who is authentic. And I don't mean an authentic jerk. Unkind people aren't displaying authenticity -they're masking insecurity. I'm talking about someone who is true to themselves and speaks honestly but kindly. 

• These are people who "walk the talk." What they say aligns with what they do. 
• They know their strengths, flaws, emotions, and values—and they embrace them without pretense or harsh self-judgment. This grounded presence feels calming to be around.
• They're comfortable admitting mistakes, expressing emotions, or saying "I don't know." This openness invites real connection rather than defensiveness.
• They speak truth directly but with empathy—offering feedback that helps rather than hurts. No passive-aggression or sugarcoating to please.
• They listen to understand, not to respond or impress. Conversations with them feel balanced and deeply heard. 
• They model empathy -and non-judgment.

Do you know someone like that? Would you say they are powerful or weak? 

Most people see these attributes as powerful. But when we -ourselves- are working toward our own authenticity we feel fear of vulnerability... weakness. 

That's because we're stepping out of a safe space we've created for ourselves: The persona we've created for many years. This is why bravery is part of the journey. It's a step-by- step process.

But every step toward authenticity dissolves inner resistance and invites in that calm and joy we long for. And the alternative—remaining hidden—quietly dims our light and erodes our peace over time. 

What does authenticity look like in everyday life? It’s not dramatic rebellion or constant oversharing. It’s quiet, courageous consistency. It’s speaking your feelings and needs with kindness, even when your voice shakes. Embracing your quirks, passions, and unique way of seeing the world without apology. Setting boundaries that protect your energy and honor your limits. Making choices—big and small—that align with your inner values rather than external “shoulds.” Being the same person alone as you are in a crowd.

Let me share a story.

In high school I found that I could make people laugh. I leaned on this as a super power in social situation. It was a tool I used to become acceptable to others. And though humor was a part of me, it was only a small part of me. But because it was working for me, I elevated it to a higher level of importance and I dimmed other parts of me that were neglected for years. Ultimately it became so important to me that I started doing stand up comedy. Though that was a good experience, I can see now that it was always about looking for external validation. Comedy became a symptom of the problem. I'd outsourced my acceptability to the approval of strangers. This didn't happen all at once. I lost myself in small ways over a long time. And it happened because I wasn't being authentic. It all started because I was trying to be acceptable... to find my place among my young pier group.

In the years since I quit comedy, I have had many different iteration of myself -as I tried to define who I was. None were bad because each was a learning experience. What I learned is that though I can be funny, it's a hiding place sometimes. I'd rather be vulnerable and authentic. Authenticity allows me to connect with others in beautiful ways, making them laugh never could. When I'm authentic, I am more at peace. 

To begin this journey, approach yourself with deep compassion. There’s no rush. Start by noticing the moments when you feel most alive, most at ease, most “you”—whether it’s during a hobby, a conversation, or quiet reflection. Those are portals to your authentic self.

Ask gently each day: “What small choice today would feel truly aligned for me? Where can I express one honest truth?” Practice tiny acts: saying no when you mean no, sharing a real feeling, pursuing something that lights you up.

Celebrate the subtle shifts—the lightness, the calm that follows. Journal your experiences. Find supportive people who celebrate the real you.

Return to Jung’s beautiful words: “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Write it on your mirror and read it every morning.

The inner calm, joy, vitality, and freedom of an authentic life aren’t far-off rewards. They unfold gradually with every honest, courageous moment. Move towards your authenticity every day. You deserve this depth of peace—a life that feels profoundly, undeniably yours. The real you is not only worth revealing; it’s the greatest contribution you can make to the world.

And then one day you wake up and recognize a greater love for yourself -a greater peace of mind... and no need to 'fit-in.'

Thank you for joining me today. I invite you to take one small authentic step today and notice how it feels in your body, your heart, your spirit.

Be gentle, be brave, and keep coming home to yourself.