American spiritual teacher, Peace Pilgrim said,

"A life without problems would be a barren existence, without the opportunity for spiritual growth." 

Welcome to The Soul Podcast, I’m Stacey Wheeler.

As this show has evolved, it’s become more and more focused on spiritual growth. This has been an unintentional evolution. Over time I’ve come to believe that spiritual growth is the reason we’re here. As with most things in life -I’m open to the possibility that I’m wrong. Perhaps I’ll only know when I die. Then the answers will be given to the great question like, “Why are we here.” Or maybe when we die, the light blinks out and there is nothing more. Either way, I choose to live my life becoming the best version of myself. That task is accelerated through spiritual growth. And if there is no afterlife, at least I go out with a hopeful heart and I die with few regrets. Spiritual growth matters. And you know, the evolution of the show seems to be evidence of a greater trend in the world. There’s a growing number of people today who say they’re spiritual. Last season I talked about how the purely spiritual people now outnumber the religious (though, as a religious person you can of course be both spiritual and religious). More people today are focused on spiritual growth than ever before. But what exactly is spiritual growth? 

The answer to that question isn’t as simple as we might hope. There are many variables in spiritual growth. The one thing that’s clear is that it requires us to turn our focus inward. Where personal growth is done primarily externally. Spiritual growth is done primarily internally. That’s where the work happens. 

Seat of the Soul author, Gary Zukav agrees that Spiritual growths is “..looking inward”  He says it “..is replacing the pursuit of external power.” When we are reaching outward, we’re trying to manipulate and control. Zukav says we do this “as the cure for the insecurity at the core of human experience." 

You see, we all have a reflexive insecurity. This is because we’re born into the World utterly dependent. For at least the first five years of our life (and probably much longer), we cannot survive without help. There is no other mammal I know of more dependent for survival. Horses can stand the first day and run within days. Elephants and giraffes can stand at birth. A baby cannot stand for about a year and cannot run for around two. It cannot seek its own food or shelter without first learning how as it grows. A baby left alone at birth would be destined to die. And it seems we have an instinctual sense of our dependency at birth. 

We’ve all seen a baby cry. They are calling out, using the only language they have to tell us of their need. And the needs are basic: Hunger, Loneliness, Discomfort. If we can figure out which one they want tended to, we can help fulfill their need. But in these moments, a baby understands the solution to its need is outside of itself. And it quickly learns dependance. Dependance means comfort. Dependance means fulfillment. Dependance means survival. 

Our reflexive dependance leads to a vulnerable nature at the core of us. All of us. And which remains there, embedded deep inside us. Some have less than others -but all of us have at least a small foundation of it. And this vulnerability instills a sense of insecurity that ripples into our core way of operating. It is some of our basic software, which all other programing is laid upon. And our insecurity may show up in many ways as we grow. Many of us try to offset our sense of vulnerability by controlling the world around us. Becoming self-reliant allows us to become an island of our own making. This is more pronounced if you had a difficult or abusive childhood. Controlling the things we can often feels like stability. So, we all reflexively seek control when we can. 

But it’s not all bad. The knowledge that we are naturally insecure is a vital step. When we understand this truth, it can become a powerful tool in our spiritual growth. 

You see, our insecurity leads to different levels of neurosis – and adaptations to fear. These are stronger of weaker in people, depending on our life experience. Harsh life experience leads to harsh adaptations.  

The great psychological thinker, Carl Jung said about neuroses,

"Find out what a person fears most and that is where he will develop next." 

We all adapt to survive and find our way in the world. And we all adapt differently based on our life experience. 

Consider the baby again. If the baby’s experience is a parent who picks it up each time it cries, it will start to have a lower sense of vulnerability. This may lead to a higher sense of security as an adult and an innate need for connection as a way of maintaining balance. Because connection has been shown to be the way to get the needs met. The adult may make decisions from a less fearful space because the baby felt less vulnerable.

If the child is largely ignored when it cries, it may lead to a higher desire for self-reliance as an adult and rejecting the need for connection, since connection has been shown to be unreliable. The baby learned others can’t be relied on. So, the adult moves through life with this same reflex. Both adaptations may lead to a successful life (in the material world we live). Afterall. Self-reliance can be a superpower in business and the ability to connect with others makes for success in all types of relationships, including business relationships. But one is driven by a higher level of inner security and the other is driven by a higher level of insecurity. 

The one with the higher level of insecurity may become an island unto himself, rejecting much connection with others and not developing a high level of empathy. And he may never be challenged to change. In fact, if he lands in the right job role, he may be rewarded for his adaptation. 

A recent study showed that people who have lower levels of empathy make effective CEOs because this lack of empathy can enable them to make tough decisions, such as layoffs, without being overly burdened by emotional repercussions. They are able to maintain a focus on company performance and shareholder value. The lack of empathy is a mal-adaptation but it is useful to the professional life of these people in our current world. 

But understanding our insecurity level (and adaptations) can be a powerful tool in our spiritual growth. 

Spiritual growth often starts with challenging our adaptations -even if we don’t understand that’s what we’re doing. 

Aristotle said, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." 

To understand ourselves we must first decide to. This can be a challenging task. For many, that’s where spiritual growth accelerates.  Often, this can start when we turn away from the desire to control the outer world. Instead, we turn inward to do what is sometimes called “the work”. The work of spiritual growth and development. And this shift usually happens when we tire of throwing ourselves against the wall of desire… the desire to make the world comply to our wishes. And this change often happens when life hands us (what feels like) a hard punch. A death, a loss, an illness… or something else, which makes us re-evaluate our life, where we are and where we want to be. This must be something that makes us re-evaluate our view of our place in the world -our reality. 

When we hit the wall, we must start again and ask ourselves “what now.” And though we may not understand it at the time -the shift happens when we understand at some deep level that what we’ve been doing in our life no longer works. 

The shift into spiritual growth is a bit like when a prize fighter sits after several hard rounds. Imagine you’re that guy. You’re bloodied and exhausted and can barely keep moving. You retreat to your corner and rest a moment. And you ask yourself, “What can I do different?” “Why isn’t this working?” You take a deep breath… and the winner in you emerges. You find a quiet, calm peace inside and trust it to take control. You drop into the zone and magic soon follows as you start to move in ways that seem reflexive. There’s a shift that happens when the emphasis changes from controlling the outside world to mastering ourselves. You see, we can only conquer things outside of ourselves for so long before we become worn down. We are forever trying to conquer things that require us to overcome them, as these things also fight to not be dominated… or at least not loose. 

When we learn instead of trying to beat the world, to learn to master how we respond to it, we expand in personal strength. And this skill of self-mastery does not wear us down the way it does when we fight the external world. That’s because the only opponent we have is ourselves. We are not conquered by ourselves, we willingly submit and we become an ascended and integrated, higher version of ourselves. 

Where before, we may have been rattled by external events -which we may feel we need to control or manipulate to fit our perceived needs… we now pay little attention to these things. We are not reliant upon them for our comfort or contentment. That is found internally, not externally.

In learning to turn inside we start to see outside events differently. We process them in our minds in less-familiar ways. And in this shift our wisdom grows. The great spiritual philosophers have known this for thousands of years. 

Marcus Aurelius said, 

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." 

For Marcus Aurelius this was a reminder to work to focus on self- mastery. 

Understanding we can not control outside events is one of the vital parts of a spiritual journey and a pivotal point in our spiritual growth. And the more a person is in the habit of trying to control, the more powerful the shift is when they let go of that reflex. You don’t realize how hard you’ve been paddling against the current, until you release and go with the flow of a river. The ride is suddenly easier. You didn’t know it could be this way because you’d always done it the other way. You thought you had to fight against the current. But you don’t. Now, all you must do is flow with it and avoid the obstacles as they come. It can be euphoric. 

When we embrace it, Spiritual growth is a beautiful, lifelong journey. And life provides continuous, fertile soil for our growth. These are things we once dreaded. They become our classroom. Circumstances, setbacks and events that once spun us out become spaces for spiritual growth. That’s because we’ve learned to change the way we see those things. Where once they may have made us think life is “unfair…” we now see them with different eyes. 

Wayne Dyer said, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” 

When we look inside, we learn to control the way we see events. We realize that -though things may not be as we wish – they aren’t as bad as we have told ourselves in the past. 

The Philosopher Dolly Wheeler said, “It’s not the end of the world,” (That’s my mom.) 

And nothing is… except the end of the world. We find we can handle things more easily when we’re on a our spiritual journey -and we also find -most of the time that fewer “bad things” happen. That’s because we’ve changed the way we travel in the stream. We’re not fighting the current, we’re noticing and easily avoiding the obstacles. And we are getting better as we go. 

The spiritual teacher Adyashanti  said,

 "The main requirement for spiritual growth: A yearning to know who you really are." 

In the next episode I’ll dive deeper into this topic and talk about the ways we get to know who we really are.