Best-selling author Dan Pink said, 

“Regret is healthy and universal. It’s an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies, it instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down, it can lift us up.”

Welcome to The Soul Podcast. I’m Stacey Wheeler.

Today we’re exploring regret – that familiar ache we all know so well. The quiet pull when we think about a choice we made or didn’t make. A moment we wish had gone differently. A path we didn’t take.

You ever have a regret play out in your head over and over? Have you ever seen it come back to torment you over a period of months or years? Sometimes—even the most minor mistakes we make—linger and torment us. 

Many years ago I was a sales rep for a company that provided technical training to large organizations. As a young rep, I was eager to land a big client. After several meetings with a major power company, I found myself in front of a regional vice president who showed real interest. Closing this deal would mean a huge contract and an ongoing relationship. I arranged a follow-up meeting with my higher-ups. When the day came, our side included the company president, vice president, and a specialist who had flown in from Holland. We sat with the VP and a few of his team. After introductions, the conversation turned to the details of the training and timelines. The client gave a clear buying signal by asking when delivery could start. I felt the pressure to contribute, since I had brought in the client. But my mind was fuzzy from poor sleep the night before, and I struggled to focus. I felt out of place, like the big kids were in charge and I was a spectator. Referring back to something already covered, I repeated a point about trainers and virtual formats. The room paused briefly. It didn't make sense for me to mention that. It moved the conversation the wrong way. It was a rookie move. 

My president smoothly moved the conversation forward, and we closed the deal that day. Afterward, he asked with a chuckle, “What was that about?” All I could say was, “Sorry, I think I had a brain cramp.” Decades have passed, and that moment still comes back to me sometimes. It takes me right back to that moment of feeling small and insignificant in a room of powerful decision-makers. Have you ever held on to something you can’t change? A simple mistake even? 

What if regret isn’t something to push away or endlessly carry? What if it arrives like a visiting teacher, here to deliver a clear lesson before it moves on? When we learn to work with it gently, regret stops holding us back and starts guiding us toward more authentic, joyful living.

From a psychological perspective, regret serves a beautiful purpose. Our brains are wired for it. Regret happens because the human brain is wired to evaluate past decisions, compare them to alternative possibilities, and adjust future behavior accordingly. That uncomfortable feeling? It’s your mind offering data to help you grow.

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus gave us a helpful image for this. He said, 

“Every event has two handles, one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t. Use the other.”

A regret has two handles. One feels heavy: “This was a mistake. I’m terrible for what happened.” That one keeps us spinning in self-criticism. The other feels lighter: “What does this teach me now?” Grab that useful handle. It invites learning and forward movement.

The great psychoanalyst and spiritual thinker, Carl Jung understood the powerful pull of the past. He said, 

“If one does not constantly walk forward, the past sucks one back. The past is like an enormous sucking wind that sucks one back all the time. If you don’t go forward you regress. As soon as you begin to look backward sadly, or even scornfully, it has you again. The past is a tremendous power.”

We’ve all felt that sucking wind. When regret lingers too long, it drains your energy and dims the light of today.

Yet Jung also pointed to the gift inside each regret. He said,

“What was given to us by the past is adapted to the possibilities and demands of the future.”

Your past experiences and the lessons they bring aren’t burdens to punish yourself with. They’re raw material you can shape into wiser choices, clearer boundaries, and more aligned living right now.

And this is where the soul side comes in. Living life in the spiritual dimension means letting go equally of past and future and being present for each moment as it arises. When regret visits, we can meet it with gentle awareness. We notice it without judgment. We thank it for the teaching it offers. And we allow space for it to move on. This isn’t denial. It’s choosing not to let yesterday steal the only moment we truly have – this one.

Working with regret in this way deeply supports our spiritual growth. It frees us from the invisible chains that keep us tethered to old stories and versions of ourselves that no longer serve. As we release the grip of lingering regret, we create more inner spaciousness for presence, intuition, and authentic connection with life. We stop regressing and begin moving forward with greater lightness and trust in our human journey. The energy that was once locked in self-judgment becomes available for creativity, compassion, and the quiet joy of simply being.

In my own experience with that sales meeting, I eventually realized the regret wasn’t really about the awkward comment or the “brain cramp.” It was tied to an internal story of self-doubt – the fear that I wasn’t enough or didn’t belong in the room with powerful people. Once I saw that clearly and met it with self-compassion, I was able to release it. Now, when the memory surfaces, I chuckle instead of cringe. I’ve changed what was once a painful, cringy memory into a tool for moving forward – something I can even celebrate as a reminder of how far I’ve come and how much kinder I’ve learned to be with myself. That shift opened the door to more confidence in other situations and a deeper sense of freedom.

One of the kindest and most effective ways to work with regret is through self-compassion. Instead of harsh self-criticism, we offer ourselves the same understanding and kindness we would give a good friend.

Research shows that self-compassion spurs positive adjustment in the face of regrets. It helps us stay with the feeling long enough to learn from it, without getting lost in shame. Self-compassion turns the visiting teacher into a gentle guide instead of a harsh critic.

Here’s a simple practice you can use the next time regret shows up:
Pause for a moment and place a hand on your heart. Take a slow, deep breath.
Say to yourself, gently: “This hurts. And it’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. What is the lesson here for me?”
Then ask: “What small step can I take today that honors what I’ve learned?”

Sometimes that step is reaching out with a kind word, setting a new boundary, or simply choosing differently the next time a similar moment arises. Other times, the most powerful step is forgiving yourself and letting the energy shift.

For everyone else, thank you for being here. Let’s finish the episode together…When we handle regret this way, it clarifies what we truly value. It instructs us on how to show up more fully in our lives. And then, if we let it, it releases its grip so we can live with greater presence, authenticity, and joy.

You don’t have to carry the weight of yesterday into today. The past has offered its teaching. Now it’s time to walk forward. And Jung reminds us, 

“What was given to us by the past is adapted to the possibilities and demands of the future.”

Turn your regrets into tools for growth, and leave them behind with grace.

If this episode stirred something in you, I’d love to hear about it. Leave a note. Which regret has been your visiting teacher lately? What lesson is it offering you?

If you’re a premium member, I’ve created a special bonus piece of added-value content just for you. It’s a short, stand-alone “Visiting Teacher Release” meditation and three reflective journaling prompts that will help you go deeper with whatever regret is visiting you right now. You can find it in the premium feed — it’s only about three and a half minutes long and is designed so you can use it anytime, even without re-listening to the full episode. 

Thank you for spending this time with me. Remember, joy becomes more available the moment we stop letting the past pull us backward.

Until next time, keep walking forward with an open heart. I’ll talk to you soon.